Engineering Mom

After all the classes, tests, stress, and papers, I have mastered skills that will enable me to design and run a city. My father always said that, "Civil engineers take care of everything that you take for granted." From flushing toilets, to roadways, dams, bridges, skyscrapers, and reservoirs, there is no end to the practical uses of a civil engineer. I have discovered another use for them: motherhood.

Here is a list of classes some of the classes I've taken for my degree, and their pertinence to raising a child:

• Structural Analysis: I'll be able to make the best dang forts that will withstand all sort of horizontal and vertical "forces".
• Transportation: the study of traffic flow and behavior. Useful for running kids around to ballet, swimming, school, etc. If only I could control the traffic lights like I could if I were working for the city, instead of my kids....
• Reinforced Concrete: originally the marriage of steel and concrete, and it's various uses. As a mom it will be the marriage of petrified bread and peanut butter left underneath the couch.
• Waste Water: I'll let you be creative on this one
• Natural Systems: Oh, how to sum natural systems?? I think it works best as an equation: water + politics = water fights. I'm hoping that my water fights will replace the politicians with balloons and kiddy pools.
  
• Numerical Methods: a.k.a. computer programming. Someday I will write a computer program so powerful that anyone who glances at it, especially children, will instantly fall asleep. I've gotten pretty close. This would make bed time so easy.
• Surveying: I'm sure surveying will be a part of my everyday life. I'll definitely be surveying the damage that my little "bundle o' joy" has done to my house.
• Soils: study of dams and the use of different soils-this will be very helpful. Especially when it comes to laundry. If I can classify the soil, I should be able to wash it out. In the famous words of Lady MacBeth, "out damn'd spot!".

And my personal favorite:

• Solid and Hazardous Waste Management: one word--diapers.

Forget child development, potential mothers need more classes in engineering!!